Spartak Mojo stuttered in their first evening of the new season in the Wandsworth 5-a-side last night. The evening began shrouded in controversy, as the plot thickened around keeper Sleggchenko's involvement in a shady gambling ring involving the ellusive 'Kate', introduced to him by scouse star Davie Carragher. Player-coach Ben Goran-Erikkson was overheard bemoaning the situation before the match, "Davie should be the one putting his arm around Sleggchenko, not introducing him to these sort of people." Compounding his misery, striker Erikkson was forced to leave himself out of the team, having picked up ligament damage after last week's disappointing league finale. He will be sidelined for 2-3 weeks, fortuitously coinciding with Mojo's mid-season break to the grim wastelands of the north.
Slegg and the £60 bill - what it all means...
We can now exclusively reveal that Sleggchenko, 28, spazzed £60 up the wall on 2 gin and tonics for himself and 'Kate' last weekend. However, their initial friendship has blossomed into a bizarre gambling tryst following success in last weekend's Grand National at Aintree. We will be reporting developments over the coming weeks.
Temper
Clearly the heat from the dressing room had affected Davie, as he lost his cool straight from the off in Mojo's grudge match against league champions Opodo. Davie spent 5 minutes in the sin bin for foul and abusive language. By the time he returned, Mojo were 3 goals down and Opodo were running riot. Chopper McKscoigne came off the bench and made an immediate impact, having a fine left foot volley disallowed for foul throw. However, Mojo capitulated and shipped 5 in total. Sleggchenko did well to keep out several bliastering shots, but several parries cost him dear. Striker Chris van-Evans-Roy returned from injury and showed signs of forging a good partnership with "Super Stuart" Ba-ti-squil-ta. However, their movement was quelled by a rampant Opodo team who welcomed back their star players and were out to avenge their scare from last week.
Mojo grabbed a consolation as McKscoigne, celebrating his 28th birthday, fired a low right-foot drive across the keeper after a fine through ball from Andy-inho at the back. Andy-inho was himself lucky to remain on the pitch after a crunching tackle from a sin-binned Opodo star resulted in yet more handbags from the blood-and-guts stopper.
Gorkis? Porkys more like
Next up was Gorkis. An abject Mojo showing resulted in a narrow 1-0 loss as the poor form continued into the winter break. Striker Ba-ti-squil-ta hit the bar with a rasping drive, but it was a ultimately a night of frustration for the boys, forced yet again to play in their Green away kit.
Dubai
Ben-Goran Erikkson commented that perhaps the masters players from Dubai had followed Mojo back from their pre-season training, as the Waddle-like display was affirmed by the general lack of fitness from a heavily perspiring squad. Andy-inho and Chopper were gulping back water at the final whistle, while Sleggcheno had to be substituted with several minutes to go: makeshift 'keeper Davie Carragher manfully stood in goal and produced a string of world-class stops to keep Mojo in the game.
Ownership
Rumours continued this morning regarding the ownership of Mojo as majority shareholder scouse Chamberlain was known to be jetting off for talks during the winter break with American tycoon Malcolm Glazier, who was spotted eating prawn sandwiches pitchside towards the end of the last campaign.
However, none of this is consolation to Mojo fans, who this morning are looking at their team propping up the Wandsworth Monday Premier League.
Pos Team Pld Won Drew Lost For Agnst Points Diff
1st OPODO UTD 2 2 0 0 6 1 6 + 5
2nd GORKI'S FC 2 2 0 0 5 2 6 + 3
3rd DYNAMO COMPTON 2 1 1 0 5 3 4 + 2
4th TOURNAMENT FC 2 0 1 1 2 3 1 - 1
5th REAL SOCIOPATH 2 0 0 2 3 7 0 - 4
6th SPARTAK MOJO 2 0 0 2 1 6 0 - 5
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