Thursday, April 27, 2006
Chris Slegg - an apology
In our last blog, we claimed that Mojo keeper Sleggchenko, having nipped back in there with Kate, said "I made him watch". Although published in good faith, we now acknowledge that Mr Slegg did NOT make this quote and unreservedly apologise for any offence caused.
Wake me up before you Mojo!
Sadly, I'm too busy to write a comedy blog this week. However, the highlights of Mojo's week are as below:
- Dave has finally turned 30 - happy birthday mate! I'm sure countless bets have just expired and you owe a small fortune in weight/marriage related gambing
- Sleggchenko has nipped back in there with Kate - Slegg was alleged NOT to have said "I made him watch" - sparking fears of a dressing room revolt
- Mojo squad in three night drinking binge in build up to game - Bennybobs' ankle is a big doubt going into the World Cup - will he be fit in time?
- Malcolm Glazer has suffered an unfortunate heart attack, quelling fears of a Mojo takeover
- Luiz-Ben-Scolari has been linked with the England job, causing anxiety to Mojo fans everywhere
- Mojo notched up their first win this week following a dramatic last minute winner, with a draw against Tournament FC giving a creditible 4 points to our heroes, lifting them off the foot of the table
- Special mention from manager Readdy to Stu, who had a stonking game
- Bank Holiday next week gives chance of mid-season break.
1st GORKI'S FC 4 3 1 0 10 5 10 + 5
2nd OPODO UTD 4 2 1 1 8 5 7 + 3
3rd DYNAMO COMPTON 4 2 1 1 10 8 7 + 2
4th SPARTAK MOJO 4 1 1 2 7 11 4 - 4
5th TOURNAMENT FC 4 0 3 1 5 6 3 - 1
6th REAL SOCIOPATH 4 0 1 3 7 12 1 - 5
COME ON MOJO!!!
- Dave has finally turned 30 - happy birthday mate! I'm sure countless bets have just expired and you owe a small fortune in weight/marriage related gambing
- Sleggchenko has nipped back in there with Kate - Slegg was alleged NOT to have said "I made him watch" - sparking fears of a dressing room revolt
- Mojo squad in three night drinking binge in build up to game - Bennybobs' ankle is a big doubt going into the World Cup - will he be fit in time?
- Malcolm Glazer has suffered an unfortunate heart attack, quelling fears of a Mojo takeover
- Luiz-Ben-Scolari has been linked with the England job, causing anxiety to Mojo fans everywhere
- Mojo notched up their first win this week following a dramatic last minute winner, with a draw against Tournament FC giving a creditible 4 points to our heroes, lifting them off the foot of the table
- Special mention from manager Readdy to Stu, who had a stonking game
- Bank Holiday next week gives chance of mid-season break.
1st GORKI'S FC 4 3 1 0 10 5 10 + 5
2nd OPODO UTD 4 2 1 1 8 5 7 + 3
3rd DYNAMO COMPTON 4 2 1 1 10 8 7 + 2
4th SPARTAK MOJO 4 1 1 2 7 11 4 - 4
5th TOURNAMENT FC 4 0 3 1 5 6 3 - 1
6th REAL SOCIOPATH 4 0 1 3 7 12 1 - 5
COME ON MOJO!!!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Mojo Robbed in Howler!...and Chops does a Robbie Fowler...
Spartak Mojo stuttered in their first evening of the new season in the Wandsworth 5-a-side last night. The evening began shrouded in controversy, as the plot thickened around keeper Sleggchenko's involvement in a shady gambling ring involving the ellusive 'Kate', introduced to him by scouse star Davie Carragher. Player-coach Ben Goran-Erikkson was overheard bemoaning the situation before the match, "Davie should be the one putting his arm around Sleggchenko, not introducing him to these sort of people." Compounding his misery, striker Erikkson was forced to leave himself out of the team, having picked up ligament damage after last week's disappointing league finale. He will be sidelined for 2-3 weeks, fortuitously coinciding with Mojo's mid-season break to the grim wastelands of the north.
Slegg and the £60 bill - what it all means...
We can now exclusively reveal that Sleggchenko, 28, spazzed £60 up the wall on 2 gin and tonics for himself and 'Kate' last weekend. However, their initial friendship has blossomed into a bizarre gambling tryst following success in last weekend's Grand National at Aintree. We will be reporting developments over the coming weeks.
Temper
Clearly the heat from the dressing room had affected Davie, as he lost his cool straight from the off in Mojo's grudge match against league champions Opodo. Davie spent 5 minutes in the sin bin for foul and abusive language. By the time he returned, Mojo were 3 goals down and Opodo were running riot. Chopper McKscoigne came off the bench and made an immediate impact, having a fine left foot volley disallowed for foul throw. However, Mojo capitulated and shipped 5 in total. Sleggchenko did well to keep out several bliastering shots, but several parries cost him dear. Striker Chris van-Evans-Roy returned from injury and showed signs of forging a good partnership with "Super Stuart" Ba-ti-squil-ta. However, their movement was quelled by a rampant Opodo team who welcomed back their star players and were out to avenge their scare from last week.
Mojo grabbed a consolation as McKscoigne, celebrating his 28th birthday, fired a low right-foot drive across the keeper after a fine through ball from Andy-inho at the back. Andy-inho was himself lucky to remain on the pitch after a crunching tackle from a sin-binned Opodo star resulted in yet more handbags from the blood-and-guts stopper.
Gorkis? Porkys more like
Next up was Gorkis. An abject Mojo showing resulted in a narrow 1-0 loss as the poor form continued into the winter break. Striker Ba-ti-squil-ta hit the bar with a rasping drive, but it was a ultimately a night of frustration for the boys, forced yet again to play in their Green away kit.
Dubai
Ben-Goran Erikkson commented that perhaps the masters players from Dubai had followed Mojo back from their pre-season training, as the Waddle-like display was affirmed by the general lack of fitness from a heavily perspiring squad. Andy-inho and Chopper were gulping back water at the final whistle, while Sleggcheno had to be substituted with several minutes to go: makeshift 'keeper Davie Carragher manfully stood in goal and produced a string of world-class stops to keep Mojo in the game.
Ownership
Rumours continued this morning regarding the ownership of Mojo as majority shareholder scouse Chamberlain was known to be jetting off for talks during the winter break with American tycoon Malcolm Glazier, who was spotted eating prawn sandwiches pitchside towards the end of the last campaign.
However, none of this is consolation to Mojo fans, who this morning are looking at their team propping up the Wandsworth Monday Premier League.
Pos Team Pld Won Drew Lost For Agnst Points Diff
1st OPODO UTD 2 2 0 0 6 1 6 + 5
2nd GORKI'S FC 2 2 0 0 5 2 6 + 3
3rd DYNAMO COMPTON 2 1 1 0 5 3 4 + 2
4th TOURNAMENT FC 2 0 1 1 2 3 1 - 1
5th REAL SOCIOPATH 2 0 0 2 3 7 0 - 4
6th SPARTAK MOJO 2 0 0 2 1 6 0 - 5
Slegg and the £60 bill - what it all means...
We can now exclusively reveal that Sleggchenko, 28, spazzed £60 up the wall on 2 gin and tonics for himself and 'Kate' last weekend. However, their initial friendship has blossomed into a bizarre gambling tryst following success in last weekend's Grand National at Aintree. We will be reporting developments over the coming weeks.
Temper
Clearly the heat from the dressing room had affected Davie, as he lost his cool straight from the off in Mojo's grudge match against league champions Opodo. Davie spent 5 minutes in the sin bin for foul and abusive language. By the time he returned, Mojo were 3 goals down and Opodo were running riot. Chopper McKscoigne came off the bench and made an immediate impact, having a fine left foot volley disallowed for foul throw. However, Mojo capitulated and shipped 5 in total. Sleggchenko did well to keep out several bliastering shots, but several parries cost him dear. Striker Chris van-Evans-Roy returned from injury and showed signs of forging a good partnership with "Super Stuart" Ba-ti-squil-ta. However, their movement was quelled by a rampant Opodo team who welcomed back their star players and were out to avenge their scare from last week.
Mojo grabbed a consolation as McKscoigne, celebrating his 28th birthday, fired a low right-foot drive across the keeper after a fine through ball from Andy-inho at the back. Andy-inho was himself lucky to remain on the pitch after a crunching tackle from a sin-binned Opodo star resulted in yet more handbags from the blood-and-guts stopper.
Gorkis? Porkys more like
Next up was Gorkis. An abject Mojo showing resulted in a narrow 1-0 loss as the poor form continued into the winter break. Striker Ba-ti-squil-ta hit the bar with a rasping drive, but it was a ultimately a night of frustration for the boys, forced yet again to play in their Green away kit.
Dubai
Ben-Goran Erikkson commented that perhaps the masters players from Dubai had followed Mojo back from their pre-season training, as the Waddle-like display was affirmed by the general lack of fitness from a heavily perspiring squad. Andy-inho and Chopper were gulping back water at the final whistle, while Sleggcheno had to be substituted with several minutes to go: makeshift 'keeper Davie Carragher manfully stood in goal and produced a string of world-class stops to keep Mojo in the game.
Ownership
Rumours continued this morning regarding the ownership of Mojo as majority shareholder scouse Chamberlain was known to be jetting off for talks during the winter break with American tycoon Malcolm Glazier, who was spotted eating prawn sandwiches pitchside towards the end of the last campaign.
However, none of this is consolation to Mojo fans, who this morning are looking at their team propping up the Wandsworth Monday Premier League.
Pos Team Pld Won Drew Lost For Agnst Points Diff
1st OPODO UTD 2 2 0 0 6 1 6 + 5
2nd GORKI'S FC 2 2 0 0 5 2 6 + 3
3rd DYNAMO COMPTON 2 1 1 0 5 3 4 + 2
4th TOURNAMENT FC 2 0 1 1 2 3 1 - 1
5th REAL SOCIOPATH 2 0 0 2 3 7 0 - 4
6th SPARTAK MOJO 2 0 0 2 1 6 0 - 5
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
MOJO GO LOCO!
Red mist as Mojo no-show gives fans the blues
Spartak Mojo crashed to their third league defeat last night as the Wandworth league title slipped away on a balmy night in Battersea.
Pre match preparations were hampered by rumours of off-the-field antics by goalkeeper Sleggchenko over the weekend. It is thought the first choice stopper had been partying all weekend with a girl known only as 'Kate'. The girl at the centre of the row is believed to be known to several members of Spartak's squad. However, we can reveal that reports of a pre-match tunnel bust up are wide of the mark.
In further explosive developments, manager Ben Goran-Erikkson was spotted red-faced in the dressing room pressure-cooker. Returning full back 'Chopper' McKscoigne was sensationally dropped from the starting line-up on his return from suspension, following allegations that he turned up to the game late and 'smelling of alcohol'.
Tensions filled the ground as Mojo kicked off their first fixture. Sensational play from Mojo, in particular from summer signings Stuart Ba-ti-squil-ta and Andy-inho left the talented Neopolitans devastated, despite a harsh sending off of Andy-inho, who grabbed the throat of (that big bloke who's been worrying him all season). Job half done.
However, next up was Opodo. Mojo, forced to wear an away kit, resembled bitter rivals Loco MoJo. Despite taking an early lead through the effective Bennybobs, Mojo faded, as sections of the home support taunted keeper Sleggchenko. However, the seasoned stopper held his nerve and responded with a string of fine saves to keep Mojo's title dream alive. Having sat too deep and fallen behind, Mojo clicked back into gear with scouse centre-back Davie Carragher leading the charge. Sadly, he'd left his shooting boots at home, and Mojo ran out of time as Opodo ran down the clock.
As Mojo approach the second half of the season, expectation is high and fans will rightly demand at least a champions league spot after this tremendous early season form.
In a final sensational twist, we can reveal that business tycoon Malcolm Glazier was spotted at the game, and may even have turned out for Mojo in disguise as a 'Trainee'. A club spokesman this morning refused to comment.
Remember this though, boys....
Pos Team Pld Won Drew Lost For Agnst Points Diff
1st SPARTAK MOJO 8 5 1 2 23 21 16 + 2
2nd OPODO UTD 8 5 1 2 13 13 16 ---
3rd REAL SOCIOPATH 8 4 1 3 14 15 13 - 1
4th NEOPOLITANS 8 4 0 4 21 9 12 + 12
5th GORKI'S FC 8 3 1 4 14 14 10 ---
6th THE BANDITS 8 0 2 6 4 17 2 - 13
Spartak Mojo crashed to their third league defeat last night as the Wandworth league title slipped away on a balmy night in Battersea.
Pre match preparations were hampered by rumours of off-the-field antics by goalkeeper Sleggchenko over the weekend. It is thought the first choice stopper had been partying all weekend with a girl known only as 'Kate'. The girl at the centre of the row is believed to be known to several members of Spartak's squad. However, we can reveal that reports of a pre-match tunnel bust up are wide of the mark.
In further explosive developments, manager Ben Goran-Erikkson was spotted red-faced in the dressing room pressure-cooker. Returning full back 'Chopper' McKscoigne was sensationally dropped from the starting line-up on his return from suspension, following allegations that he turned up to the game late and 'smelling of alcohol'.
Tensions filled the ground as Mojo kicked off their first fixture. Sensational play from Mojo, in particular from summer signings Stuart Ba-ti-squil-ta and Andy-inho left the talented Neopolitans devastated, despite a harsh sending off of Andy-inho, who grabbed the throat of (that big bloke who's been worrying him all season). Job half done.
However, next up was Opodo. Mojo, forced to wear an away kit, resembled bitter rivals Loco MoJo. Despite taking an early lead through the effective Bennybobs, Mojo faded, as sections of the home support taunted keeper Sleggchenko. However, the seasoned stopper held his nerve and responded with a string of fine saves to keep Mojo's title dream alive. Having sat too deep and fallen behind, Mojo clicked back into gear with scouse centre-back Davie Carragher leading the charge. Sadly, he'd left his shooting boots at home, and Mojo ran out of time as Opodo ran down the clock.
As Mojo approach the second half of the season, expectation is high and fans will rightly demand at least a champions league spot after this tremendous early season form.
In a final sensational twist, we can reveal that business tycoon Malcolm Glazier was spotted at the game, and may even have turned out for Mojo in disguise as a 'Trainee'. A club spokesman this morning refused to comment.
Remember this though, boys....
Pos Team Pld Won Drew Lost For Agnst Points Diff
1st SPARTAK MOJO 8 5 1 2 23 21 16 + 2
2nd OPODO UTD 8 5 1 2 13 13 16 ---
3rd REAL SOCIOPATH 8 4 1 3 14 15 13 - 1
4th NEOPOLITANS 8 4 0 4 21 9 12 + 12
5th GORKI'S FC 8 3 1 4 14 14 10 ---
6th THE BANDITS 8 0 2 6 4 17 2 - 13
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